Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Cookies for everyone! (Except you.)

My third grader came home from school and told me:

"Hey Mom, Mrs. Jones gave everyone 4 cookies today at school for testing.  Except me because I can't have them.  So she let me pick from the treasure box and I got this."  (She shows me 4 random pieces of candy from the treasure box.)

I'm so sad about this.  It is a heavy weight.

My daughter does not eat wheat or gluten.  She is not celiac, and she is not allergic.  We have found that eating wheat causes her to be overly emotional and angry, in a way that she can not control.  It's something that makes us all pretty unhappy when it's happening.  Because it is a personal preference with no medical documentation to support us, I do not ask for a documented classroom accommodation.  I simply speak with each teacher and explain the situation. (My older daughter has allergies, and we know how to ask for accommodations.)

It makes me sad that the teacher chose to bring in a treat to share with the class that she knew would exclude one child.  It makes me sad that it happens frequently.  Gluten free treats are so easily come by these days, it takes very little extra effort to include my daughter.  Or to use a non-food treat.

I could use a pep talk right now.  Send me a little hope that the world is compassionate.  That there are people out there who understand how big of an emotional impact it takes to be constantly excluded from the classroom celebrations and treats, to be different.  Other than this tendency, the teacher really does seem fabulous...

But today.  Today it's feeling pretty overwhelming to confront one more time my kiddo was excluded from the group.  Because I know how sensitive she is to it, and how upsetting it is to her...

So. How about that pep talk?


  1. A little while back the cafeteria had mango served at lunch and my sister in law's students (she teaches 3rd grade) knew that she is severely allergic so each and every one of them washed their hands when they came back to the classroom because they didn't want to hurt her inadvertently. The future is where the compassion is at, though that doesn't help your daughter in the here and now, know that her peers will be different. They have to be different because this is all around them. (Hugs)

  2. We haven't dealt with the school situation, yet, but we've been a member of a playgroup for years and after my daughter's FA diagnosis, I have experienced some wonderfully supportive actions by my friends. I even have a friend who switched her son to Sunbutter, on the off chance that they might come over for an impromptu playdate. I've had moms set aside a special food-free goodie bag for my daughter at birthday parties, too. There are definitely caring, compassionate people in the world and we just need more of them to balance out the thoughtless ones. (((HUGS)))

  3. Thank you for sharing examples of people who take it to heart and act with such caring! It helps. Some days it's good to be reminded that while today feels low, there are plenty of high points waiting out there.

  4. Being a mom to a 2 yr old w/ dairy, nut, egg, sesame & dogs/cat allergies has definitely changed my thinking & teaching of others. I'm a teacher, staying home w/ my little man for now, but I constantly try to educate my friends & other teachers. I just don't understand why treats "junk" has to be a reward for our kiddos. I can't even begin to imagine what it'll be like for my son once he starts school. I feel so bad now when I tell him he can't have something b/c it hurts his belly. Hugs to you & your daughter!


Always happy to hear from you, but please remember to play nice!